What We’ve Learned as Newlyweds!
If there is one thing that I have noticed, it’s that no one really talks about the positive ways in which marriage can change your life. Online and in the real world there is much discourse surrounding all of the negatives with marriage, how hard it is to make that commitment, and some just flat out don’t believe in it at all.
Regardless of where you are on that, I wanted to add my thoughts to the growing conversation around marriage, only this time I will be doing it with a slight plot twist… being married in your 20’s!
I know, I know, this all seems a bit crazy right? I mean, in your 20’s how could you possibly know what you want? For some (including myself) your brain is not yet fully developed. For others, you may not even know what you want to do tomorrow let alone make a commitment to someone forever. Then there are some who, like me, were born ready to take up the role as “devoted and loving WIFE.” With that, though, this does not mean that being married has not come with it’s own things. In the last few months of marriage, I have learned a thing or two about how to set a solid foundation for your wife, your husband, and potential future family.
1. Learn How To Walk Away.
Hear me out, when I say this I do not AT ALL mean to walk away in the traditional sense (ie. leave your partner). I mean LITERALLY learn how to walk away from your partner in times of heated conversations or heightened feelings. Granted, this only applies to not so productive conversations. If you and your significant other have tried talking things through and in the moment it seems that neither party can/wants to hear the other side or perspective, create a code word signaling a pause in the conversation. Let me give you an example: You and your significant other are discussing a rather touchy topic. You notice that you are on the brink of an explosion and so is your partner. Instead of blowing up and potentially saying something that could hurt your partner's feelings, consider saying something like “barbecue” (or whatever you come up with). This would then signal to your partner that you may need a break from the conversation to cool down, regather your thoughts and finish out the conversation in a few minutes. As silly as it seems, this could definitely prevent some of those uncomfortable fall outs with your partner.
2. It’s Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It.
This is a big one. Oftentimes when we talk to our significant other (or people in general), we never stop to survey how what we are saying could affect our partner. For example, saying things that point the blame like “You do this,” or “You did that” can come across as being accusatory. Even if this is your goal, our partners may not want to feel like they are being talked down to. Before you respond to your significant other, take note of your body language, tone, facial expressions, etc. These can often be misinterpreted and thus lead to a bigger fall out then needed.
3. Learn That You Both Are Growing
This one was especially important for me. Since I met my husband in high school, it took me a minute to realize that we were both two kids stepping into adulthood and growing ourselves. This also applies to every other relationship. Even if you don’t notice it, you and your partner are bound to change and evolve over time. You grow as people, and you grow in your relationship. This isn’t a bad thing though! In fact, it’s quite the opposite. As you are growing, you and your significant other get to witness the beauty of your evolution over time, together.
Though my husband and I have not been married for SUPER long, I feel as though we have learned a lot about each other in our last few months of marriage and the last few years of being together. Marriage and love is something I would not trade for the world and is such a beautiful thing to experience.
